new website... haha, i forgot about this one.

www.xanga.com/tiastar

i'm satisfied by Your love so compLeteLy
how couLd i thirst for the praises of man?
there's nothing i need that You haven't provided
no one can offer me peace like You can

Jesus Your love is enough
sufficient for me
aLL i have needed, You've given for free
Your love is enough,
don't need men's appLause
i know wut i'm worth
i remember the cross

i'm sustained~

[by everybodyduck]

euny!! i miss ya moocow :)

i looooooove coLLege!! my suitemates, my roommate, and my fLoormates & my uhh... housemates!! haha they're sooo cooL.. it's awesome cuz we aLL hang out n stuffs :)

but uhhh yea, how am i gonna study when i start cLasses? *shrugs*

hehe, i am soooo gLad my roommate is christian :D cuz this morning, we had separate devotionaLs/bibLe readin' time & we both read matthew [surprise surprise] hehe. coLLege life is fun... but it's aLso a huuuuge test on seLf-discipLine n lah dee dah :)

:) i miss aLL of ya that aren't here in SD :*( the beach is BEAUTIFUL!! we ate dinner with our house on the cLiffs & the sunset was GORGEOUS. ahhh i love sd~ weLL, untiL cLasses start that is :X hehe

the last word is: God
[cuz every good & perfect gift is from above... from Him]
YEA!! peace :)

camping was so fun :)

we went to portaL forebay.. in the sierras.. & our campsite was sooo pretty. right by the lake :) i love the mountains.. aLmost as much as i love the beach. hehe. the first day, it rained on & off. it was great for fishing though.. we caught a whoLe bunch [i caught the biggest one! hehe woohooo] & ate them :9 it was so much fun having both our dogs there too! hehe we threw choco & atom into the water. atom's a better swimmer than choco :) & it was neat cuz our WHOLE famiLy went.. like my mom, my bro, my dad, me... cuz usuaLLy it's just me, my dad, my bro.. or somethin like that.. but this time, it was aLL of us. & i prayed that the trip wouLd bring heaLing to our famiLy.. it was so awesome cuz that same night, after i did devotionaLs & journaL writing, my dad caLLed a famiLy meeting around the campfire.. and we each taLked about wut each of us wouLd work on... & no one got defensive or anything... & our famiLy is somewhat heaLed now :) esp my parents.. doin a lot better... thank You God. the second day was NICE. so pretty.. perfect camping weather... we hiked up to some hot springs & it was sooo cooL, we found this lil pooL/hot spring & waded around & spLashed in it.. the water was soooo warm & there was this one spot where the water was bubbLing. even choco liked it :D she put her paw in first & then she sat in it, then she just dunked her whoLe body in. it was hiLarious (^.^) i had some awesome devotionaL times there though.. it was sooo pretty... there were soooo many stars.. it was gorgeous.

i read secrets of the vine... SO good.. i recommend that book fo' sho'.. it's so good.. i did some journaL writing up there... most of it was personaL stuffs ;) but this is part of wut i wrote:
"i love You God.. heLp me to show this by the way i live my life.. knowing that love is not a feeLing/ emotion... i think this is a mistake i've made so many times, thinking that love had to be a sensation... a burst of EMOTION within my heart. but love is not conditionaL... it is something we as humans can never quite fathom. i've made this mistake with friends, famiLy, guys i've liked, with You... but by abiding in the vine.. by keeping ME [my heart, my desires] cLose to You and YOUR heart/desires, i'm abLe to love a little bit like You do. unconditionaLLy. not based on feeLings.... my mom just pointed out how many stars there are in the sky.. they're everywhere. i've never seen so many so cLearLy! wow, & to think that the creator of the stars... the creator of aLL beautifuL things around me wants to know me & love me more than i can ever imagine. there was rain & cLouds aLL day.. & was reaLLy windy.. but rite now it's SO cLear. there's so many STARS"~

:) i love being in nature.. aLthough it's nice to be sLeeping in my own bed again & use toiLets that fLush & have a shower... there's somethin about nature & seeing GOd's awesome artistry/creation that totaLLy fiLLs me with peace & awe. i love it :) hehe & it was sooo funny, cuz my brother has this thing with the word "CRAZY".. he uses it aLL the time.. & so my mom wouLd be sooo annoyed, she'd be like STOP SAYIN THAT.. but now, our whoLe famiLy is saying it.. haha like crazy CRAZY.. & on the car ride back home, i busted out with aLL my christian cd's & we were bLasting it so my dad wouLdn't be sLeepy. it was fun.

2 more weeks tiLL coLLege. i'm gonna miss pLaying piano at church... next sunday is my last. i'm gonna miss so many peopLe... but i know i'LL be okay. because God wiLL be with me :) i learned something today at church.. GOD IS NEVER LATE. HE'S ALWAYS RIGHT ON TIME.

faithfuL One
so unchanging
ageLess one
You're my rock of peace
Lord of aLL
i depend on You..
aLL thru the storm
Your love is the anchor
my hope is in You aLone.

OMIGOSHHHH GOD IS SOOO AWESOME!!!

i got my roommate info today!! & her name is nichoLe shuck!! she's haLf mexican, haLf german. she's about 5'5" & has dark hair and dark eyes. hahaha & i caLLed her todayyyy.. she's from manhattan beach [20 mins south of LA] and OMIGOSH she's been to hume lake & she went for 6 weeks this summer to russia on a missions' trip workin with kids!!! OMIGOSH AND SHE'S CHRISTIAN... like TOTALLY!!! & we were shrieking over the phone together cuz we've both been praying for a christian roommate!! and we're gonna be total buddies [or at least it seems so] & she's undecLared but she's been considering studying something medicaL/lanaguage-y BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE A FULL-TIME MISSIONARY SOME DAY!!! JUST LIKE MEEEEE OMIGOSH!!! but she said she's not too good at science-y stuff JUST LIKE ME OMIGOSH!!!! hahaha & she loves outdoor stuff & wants to learn to surf [we might take lessons together at SD] & loves sports!!!! and she said she laughs a LOT which is totaLLy awesome!! & we both agreed that no guys can stay overnight & she doesn't party much, she's GOOD!! hehehehe & she loves SOMETHING LIKE SILAS [a christian band that i LOVE] and we're gonna go to something like silas' church & we're gonna church hop together!!! & there's sooooo much that we have in common just cuz we're christian!!! and we're gonna totally hang out & we were like "DANG!! we're not gonna study cuz we're gonna be such good friends!!" IT IS SO AWESOME HOW GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS!!! HE IS SOOO GOOD TO ME!!! & we're gonna keep each other accountabLe... we're both cLean.. or at least we don't like dirty slobby rooms... and ahhhh but nothing eLse matteres.. cuz she's christians & she shares my same vaLues/moraLs/beLiefs... & that's AWESOME cuz more than just my "sunday" reLigion... being christian is my lifestyLe!! or at least i'd hope it is... & so this is soooo awesome!!! i say awesome a lot don't i?!?! but it's AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!!! & we were like MAN, OF THE 1700-SOME PEOPLE IN OUR SCHOOL, HOW IS IT THAT GOD PUT US TOGETHER?! THIS IS SOOOO MUCH MORE THAN JUST MERE COINCIDENCE.. I DONT BELIEVE IN COINCIDENCES. I BELIEVE IN GOD!!! & HE'S SO AMAZING. He not onLy gives, He gives ABUNDANTLY.. my cup overfLows... i asked for a christian roommate, nichoLe asked for a christian roommate... & wut did He give us? christian roommates that share the same passion for missions... & other simiLarities. i'm speechLess. i'm in utter awe.

praise be to God from whom aLL bLessing fLow.

i'm like crying cuz i'm so happy :)

yesterday was a veryyyyy busy day :) i went to work, a meeting in the park, an anniversary party, & then euny's house! but ahhhhh the anniversary party was for a couple at my church... 25 years! & it was a luau [hawaiian theme]... & tony/gabe were back too!! & it was sooo pretty.. with the water fountains, the torches, pretty orchids & other hawaiian flowers... i got a tea leaf leis!! & this sheLL necklace thingy!! hehe but the ceremony was sooo cute :) the hawaiian dancers danced to christian music n stuff... & AHAHA i won the huLa hoop contest!!! :D that was super funny hehehe... & then i had to leave at 9:15ish... then i went to euny's house!! & we pLayed ming mang mong, mooose, & other interesting games in the backyard!! hehe... yea :) i went to berean's with my dad today!! i love that store. but aiiieee smart me got myseLf grounded from the car for another week!! cuz last nite i was supposed to be home by 10ish to take my bLood pressure medicine, but i came home an hour late... so my mom was soooo worried that something happened to me cuz i didn't take my medicine... gosh these mothers overreact don't they?? hehe so yea.. my dad was like "congrats! another week extension!" so yes, i am rideLess this week again... except for my beautifuL roLLerbLades :)

aiiieee i reaLLy wanta know who my roommate is :X i find out tomorrow or the day after... (shriek)

& tuesday is my last day of tutoring at kumon foreverrrrr... i'm gonna miss some of those kids... dude, you get reaLLy attached... taLkin to them week after week... i'm especiaLLy gonna miss caroLine, kyra, stephanie, & shashank... *the tears weLL up* haha :P i wiLL visit them... but man, i remember caroLine used to be soooo shy & cried a lot... the way i got her to start taLkin was when she was crying & stephanie was hugging her... & i asked her "aww are you crying cuz stephanie smeLLs weird?" and she started laughing... since then, she's opened up SO MUCH.. & evry time she misses stuff on her work, she shows it to me & she's like "look! i'm not crying!" :) and kyra used to ask me for sooo much heLp on her work & then she'd be like "hehehe just kidding i already know how to do this, i just wanted to be with you"... awwwww... so adorabLe... & shashank... man, he's soooo smart but he used to have a reaL hard time concentrating... so we'd pretend that my watch was a spaceship & that he had to hurry up and finish his work b4 the spaceship blasted off.. haha don't ask :X it was fun :) & sooo many other kids... like, you see them improve sooo much in just one year... i'LL reaLLy miss those kids :*)

humpty dumpty.

hehe i had a fun time today practicing for the anniversary party/church offertory with jenny, sara, & heather :D i went to their house & it was cooL hehe. and today is the one day this week that i can drive :) cuz i was supposed to be grounded from driving for a week but since the funeraL/memoriaL service is today, my dad said ok. haha but he was like "hmm you'LL have to pay me $50 though... cuz it's expensive for me to go back on my word"~ hehe *cough* sure sure (^.~) but oooo if you ever need to get an oiL change or somethin done to ur car, go to the jiffylube near k-mart hehehe... cuz i went there twice this week & the dudes that work there are reaLLyyy funny :D haha.. but yeaaaa, i need to go to the funeraL thingy now :X i dunno the person who died.. or at least i don't THINK i do... but i'm pLaying piano there... i hope i dunno the person :X ignorance is bLiss in some cases... but pray for the famiLy.. cuz it was a father.. and he left his kids & wife behind...

life is but a vapor..
[from the bibLe]

& since life is so short, we don't have the TIME to "wait tiLL tomorrow" or wait for the "perfect moment" to get things done.. do it now.. whiLe you stiLL have time.. we don't have time to argue, hoLd grudges, or add other bitter things to life...

smiLe :) it's contagious. maaan, wut an epidemic!! hehe :)

wow. today has aLready been such an awesome day... & it's stiLL onLy 10:30am!! hehehe :)

this morning, i checked my emaiL & young sent out her testimony of her missions' trip in mexico. & dude, that just bLessed my socks off :) it was reaLLy neat to hear about how God changed her & used her... & i get to see omi todayyy haha & we get to squeaL/laugh foreverrrr about our oLd engLish notebooks :D hehehe.. & hmmm lately i've reaLLy been struggLing with pride & seLfishness [woops, i just realized, that's not an appropriate word.. "seLfishness" haha cuz i said it once in engLish ap cLass in front of mrs pearson & she gave me this look with one eyebrow up like EHHH??] hehehe but yes, i struggLed with my SELFISHNESS (^.~) & i wouLd keep praying that God wouLd take it away... but mmm i keep forgetting that if i just take the focus off of myseLf & serve God/others first... then naturaLLy, that seLfishness wiLL meLt awayyyy :) & young's emaiL aLso focused my mind back to schooL/studying... like my motivation for aLL of that.. it reminded me that i chose to study med & linguistics for God... to be used in missions someday... & i need to aLways remember that thru coLLege... especiaLLy studying med... cuz it's definiteLy not my strong point.. science, math, etc... but i know that if i study hard enough & stay focused, i can do aLL things thru Christ who strengthens me.

& i'm humbLed into remembering that if ever i "don't like" someone or have negative feeLings toward anyone, it's cuz of ME. does that make sense? like.. they're just who they are... & if i can't learn to love unconditionaLLy, then it's my probLem.. cuz the onLy person i can change is myseLf. if you're reading my jurnoe.. & you see that i ever forget this, pLease remind me :) i forget so often... i need constant reminder. i guess that's why the bibLe says to pick up your cross DAILY.. it's something you have to remind yourseLf to do daiLy & daiLy submit your wiLL to God's and DAILY surrender yourseLf to Him and DAILY cLothe yourseLf with humiLity & love.

draw me cLose to You
never let me go
i lay it aLL down again
to hear You say that i'm Your friend
You are my desire
no one eLse wiLL do
cuz nothing eLse couLd take Your pLace
to feeL the warmth of Your embrace
heLp me find the way
bring me back to You
YOU'RE ALL I WANT
YOU'RE ALL I'VE EVER NEEDED
YOU'RE ALL I WANT
HELP ME KNOW
YOU ARE NEAR

:) whether you know it or not.. beLieve it or not.. care about it or not... God loves you.. much more than words can say... much more than you couLd ever comprehend or fathom. so smiLe :) because the Creator of the Universe.. the God of everythiiing... the Famous One... Adonai... El Shaddai... the ALpha & the Omega... He loves you. wiLL you accept His love? it's reaLLy aLL you need.. so stop searching. His love is free... His love is abounding... generous... never-ceasing... & it's FOR YOU.

OHHHH WOWWWW BETHEL'S PRAISE NIGHT WAS SOOOO AWESOME!!!

i went to euny's house b4 praise night & her mommy [who is also MY mommy #77 hehehe] gave me gaL-bi [korean ribs] and i was like "oh no no it's ok" but she kept offering so i ate it [which was reallyyyy yummy] and SMART ME spilled on myself!! ahhhh :X but it's ok... hehe :D and then me, euny, eugene left for praise night.. bethel is a korean church too!! and i haven't been to a korean church since i left my old one when i was 13!!! hehehe :D so it was fun :) and then mike was there too!! so b4 the thing started, we aLL hung out & i met some of euny's old friends.. i met one named SARAH who played SOFTBALL at lynbrook!! and yea yea they were cooL :D

but ohhh the praise and worship part was soooooo the best!! aLL the songs were SO fun and SO worshipfuL. hehehe i learned some new songs which were sooooo pretty.. and everyone was sooo friendLy & ahhh it was awesome to be there!! we danced to some songs, jumped, and lifted our hands... it was sooo... WOWEEE :) & geeez the drama with no words... was sooo good... it aLmost made me cry.. but euny WAS crying!! the onLy thing you heard during the drama was music.. but ohh the music spoke sooo much more than words couLd ever have had... so this is how it went: at first it was aLL dark and God [mike in all white with a glow necklace & bracelets] was waLking around.. and then BAM he created light... then he began creating other things... and he saw that it was good.. then he realized something was missing... so he made man... and "God" snapped his finger and man was created [a person with a red shirt] & he got up and "God' began showing man all the things he created... and then gave them all to man to enjoy... and man hugged God and thanked Him.. then Satan [a guy in all black] started to motion to man & started to show him that it wasn't COOL to follow God and all these other lies... so then "God" had this hurt look on his face.. and man is in the middle on his knees... and he's struggling... God or Satan's lie? and he covers his face... unable to decide... and Satan and God are glaring at each other... and Satan decides that since he cannot defeat God [because God is GOD]... he decides to go after what God loves the most.. man. so basicaLLy he decides that since he cannot attack God, he will attack God's creation. and so "satan" raises his hand to strike man, but then "God/Jesus" blocks the way & the music stopped and there was this BAM sound... and right when that happened, "God"'s arms stretched out to form a cross... so it's showing that God the son [Jesus] took the punishment.. and died. then "Satan" was all victorious.. thinking he won.. but noooo jesus came back to life and defeated satan!! and "God" went to man and lifted him up and reassured him... then man, realizing wut God did for him, bowed down to worship God. and he began telling other people about what God did.. and they all bowed to worship God.

it was an awesome skit... i wanta write something like that... all music and actions... and mike mentioned later that y-wam and other christian missionary organizations use these wordless skits in other countries... cuz it speaks in all languages.. and wowww i never realized that... soooo awesome :)

then after, i was gonna go to ccic.. but it was too late.. and then i was gonna go to greg's, but my dad was hungry and he needed a ride home. so i couLdn't go. but ahhhhh stiLL, it was awesome to see euny again :) and to praise next to her!! hehe it was soooo fun :D but yea, it was an awesome experience.. and as i was talkin to euny about the praise night after... i kinda miss some things about korean churches... maybe i'll find one in san diego to go to :)

there is no rock [ROCK!] like our God [THERE IS NO ROCK THE ROCK THE ROCK!!]
hahaha soooo fun :D

God bLess.

OHHHHH MAAAANNNN I AM SOOO AMUSED!!!

during junior year, me & omi wrote on the back of each other's engLish notebooks during engLish cLass... we used to go crazyyyyy in the back!! but but i found the notebook backs today!! cuz i saved them!!! hahahaha :D

this is wut's written on the first one:
*whisper*ROAR sisters!
*stomp stomp* AHHHH they're coming!
[there's 4 veggie taLe stickers]
"God is bigger than the boogeyman..." & "where is my hairbrush? No hair for my hairbrush..." [and a star sticker]
tia*
omitia & tiaomi: <3 purpLe war heart veterans!!
*one finger pose*smeLL ur hand!*
can i have an order of an icee tomato? or a meLted cucumer?
*crackin our heads off*
Hey Tia!! do you have anything under that?! *nods vigorousLy* LOL!
strawberry/banana slushie treaty
shtop it! stoop it!
umm... this is the back... so~ why are you looking at it?? hehe j/p ;)

you think that was bad? this is wut's written on the second one:
We are cannonbaLLs from South Africa where our squishy tribe originated.
*fLashlight* It's lightning! noooo... mine is better! [and a picture of a lightning boLt]
tiaomi has piLLow-phobia & omitia has chair-phobia.
puddy buddies [with a stick picture of us]
underdog
scaudio-dawwg & jerachaeLy1-dawg
whisper roar sistaz 4ever
d.a.w.g. & f.r.o.g.
torture twins
sene kjevins <~~ wut a hottie!! hehe jk
a.s.a.p.~always say a prayer
omi & tia's personaL profiLe: retarded mentaL idiots (^.^)
S.O.L. & C.O.L.
WHAT'S THAT FUNK YO?!
wait! oops... it's ME! :X
HO EM!!
[some winking dude making a peace sign with his fingers]
lalala
but i don't like using straws from donkey's cabooses :T
lalala
omi took a bite out of the pLatano!! [with pictures of a fresa, platano, uva, manzana]
*muahaha* tia's mommi gave her a PLATANO for lunch!! :D
WASH~
garbage [with pictures of fLies around it]
ICEE STAR HUT
JABBA THE HUT~ ohhh baby!!
when life gives you a lemon, make lemonade!
we are in the light [with the dc taLk lyrics under it]
omi & tia IN THE HOUSE! *snap snap STOMP cLap cLap*bang the car* REPRESENT! "My name is tia, i am fria, i don't eat sandias, & i like to ski-a!"
chiLi's baby back ribs... i want my baby back baby back baby back ribs.. BARBECUE SAUCE
BABY GOT BACK
*points to a tia*points to an omi*one-finger pose*smeLL ur hand* 10-finger wave*point 2 sky*saLute*hippies*
PLEASE COME AGAIN!

hahaha & imagine this in aLLLL different jeLLy roLL coLors!! soooo beautifuL.. i aLways wondered wut mrs. parker [our engLish teacher] thought of us when we turned our notebooks in!! hehehe ahhh junior year was both the best of times & the worst of times.. hahaha GEE THAT PHRASE SOUNDS FAMILIAR! okie, i was amused in finding this whiLe cLeaning my room out :)

FRIENDS SWEETEN LIFE.

wowww today was sooo fun :) weLL i had the usuaL tutoring & stuffs but youth group was FUN!! hahaha

i was taLkin' to heather today about goin to get some ice cream during smaLL group time [hehe i can make those kinds of random decisions cuz i'm the smaLL group leader for our group!! yea!!] so i was pLanning on taking my girLs [heather, shana, naLisa, naLinette]... & i was taLkin to bre about it [who is aLso a smaLL group leader] & WOOHOO our groups joined together today & we went to COLD STONE [sooooo yummyyyy!!] & chiLLed there & had our smaLL group time for the last 15 minutes outside!! hehehe. oh man, it was sooo hiLarious... so the group that joined us was bre & jessica. oooo so much fuuuun :D we were laughing about EVERYTHING.. i think it couLd aLso be cuz the ice cream was loaded with SUGAR but oh wow. so fun :D i love bonding. and oh oh heather & i are spending a day together sometime next week which i'm totaLLy looking forward to!! :) she's my lil buddy.. even tho she's technicaLLy taLLer than me :X hehehe. but yes, youth group today was awesome :)

ooo i can't wait tiLL this friday!! hehe i get to see euny again!! weLL... i saw her saturday night from 10:30 tiLL 12:30am :D hehe cuz i went to hang out with her for her last night in town.. and then mike & his lil sister came!! hahaha i love her shoes!! (^.^) but we were chiLLing & then ed/char stopped by!! AND I GOT THE COOLEST GIFT FOR MY DORM ROOM FROM ED!!! hehehe it's this star lamp thing... weLL it's a star with thin paper [YELLOW SO IT WILL MATCH MY BEDSHEETS] & the buLb is inside!! and yeaaaaa it's going in my room!! thanks edna!! & yea.. then the next morning, i woke up earLy before church & went by euny's house again!! hehehe & her grammy made us french toast for breakfast!! & eugene was pLaying video games.. and her aunt/uncLe stopped by!! yeaaa quite interesting :D but yeaaaa we're hanging out this friday... so this friday, i tutor my lil cousins, then go to teach bibLe lesson at cLub, then watch my lil cousin's pLay that she's the co-director of, then i go to betheL with euny to watch mike in his pLay & sing some praise, then go to ccic for the senior send off!! YAHOO i can't wait!! :D fun fun.

ahhh yes, friends sweeten life :) that's for sure. it just makes me think how hard it's gonna be to leave everyone.. but that's ok cuz i'm not so meLanchoLy about SD anymore :) cuz i met some cooL peopLe at orientation & haha i can hang out with dave/leo/gordon :X if they don't mind :D hehehe. but yeaaa right by the beach... i'm gonna be doing my qt's at the beach (^.~) i hope i get a room with an ocean viewww... that'd be sooo perfect... & if i get a cooL roommate too... even more bLissfuL.... mmmm & i must say brothers [in Christ] are the cooLest!! hahaha mad props to dan mats, dan chin, jon, mike, & edna!! yesyes, you guys are quite... mmm... interestingLy interesting... *grin* :D hehe

BUT I MUST RESUME CLEANING MY ROOM NOW SO I MUST STOP JABBERING ON AND ON.

this is worLd news tonight. i'm tia. & goodnight.

muahaha :D i used to wanta be an anchor... ahhh then reaLity hit :X haha jk

wut a happy day :)
i'm finding joy in the simpLicities of life.
nothing reaLLy spectacuLar happened today
but it's just a happy day :)

yesterday i saw becca whiLe i was roLLerbLading... & wowww taLk about God-appointed meetings... i was feeLing reaLLy ugh cuz i just had a fight with my mom, so i left the house to go roLLerbLading... & the onLy ppL i wanted to see were euny, becca, or omi. but euny was in SF & i thought becca/omi were on the ccic retreat... so i was aimlessly roLLerbLading around, not wanting to go home. so i was roLLerbLading around & was about to give up and go back when aLL of a sudden, i see becca puLLing out of her garage.. YAY :D i was feeLing sooo drained & tired & bLeh... & there was becca!! yayyyyy, so i went with her to church to heLp with the lil kids.. which totaLLy made me feeL better. & i got to hang out with jess/danchin/jack too!! yahoooooo (^.^) ohhh man, sooo funny... i was teLLing one of the kids' parent... a man who was reaLLy nice... the words that i learned how to say in chinese. & i was like saying "zwo ni de gong ke" [do ur homework], "ni hao" [heLLo], etc... and then i was like "ohh & i know 'wo shi hwan xingxing!!" [i like stars] except i said "chingching" instead of "xingxing".. so i guess it sounded like i said "i like to kiss" or " i like kissing" or SOMETHING like that... & he had this look on his face like HUH?! & becca/jack were laughing sooo hard... and then they toLd me wut i said... so then the next time i said it, i said xingxing.. but it sounded like monkey? cuz i guess it depends where you put the accented or stressed thingy. aiiii :X but it was sooo fun. hahaha & jack!! wut a weirdo!! he waLked to the door, stuck his head out & was like "chicken pot pie!" & we were like WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?! hahaha it was quiet interesting :)

tomorrow berk-heads leave!! ahhhhhhh :X taking my friends away from me.. esp euny... aiiiieeee!! :P

my hope is buiLt on nothing less
than Jesus' bLood & righteousness
i dare not trust the sweetest frame
but whoLLy lean on Jesus' name
ON CHRIST THE SOLID ROCK I STAND
ALL OTHER GROUND IS SINKING SAND
ALL OTHER GROUND IS SINKING SAND

in 3 days, the berkeLey monster is going to snatch my best friend away from me :X
it's okayy though. i have a pLan.
whiLe the monster is asLeep, i wiLL rescue euny.
& take her to san diego with me
where the monster wiLL never suspect to find her.
but shhh.. don't teLL anyone.
especiaLLy not the horrid berkeLey monster.

:) i made a pact with my mom today. i hope it lasts. cuz ugh, we fight soooo much... i get irritated, she gets yeLL-y... it ruins my day, it ruins hers. & it's my fauLt too.. for not being humbLe enuf & for being so seLfish... aLways looking at me [saying my mom hurt me, my mom did this to me, my mom did that to me] & my own pains... rather than looking to the pains she must be feeLing too. so like 10 minutes ago, the idea just popped into my head.. that i didn't want to fight with her anymore. haha boy, i'm so cLever :X hehe. so yea, i sat in front of her. & said "let's make an agreement. from now on, we don't fight.. we taLk things out. & we onLy say nice things, no mean or hurtfuL things".. and this smiLe kinda crept over her face.. and she took my hand & shook it. but then she started to say "but there's too much you don't understand"... which eh, i guess is true :P but i remember when i was little.. my mom was like "when you grow up, let's be friends ok? let's taLk & hang out together"... and i said "ok mom"... that's how it shouLd be. parents & their kids shouLdn't be enemies... avoiding each other... impatient with eachother... & it's sad how sometimes we're so afraid to just love... i guess cuz we think it makes us weak & vuLnerabLe... i guess that's true in a sense. there's no waLLs around our hearts when we love & receive love... so our hearts are more susceptibLe to being hurt... but life is more fuLfiLLing without those waLLs... without that hard crust around our hearts. hearts are meant to be soft... like soft soiL... ready to pLant new reLationships, ready to accept the seeds of love & to harvest love... whose fruits are joy, kindness, patience, etc... & uLtimateLy, soft soiL can easiLy uproot the weeds of our lives... & provide nutrients for the crops that we want to grow... a heart that loves like God loves.

i got the new michaeL w. smith worship cd. so good :)

coLLege is coming so soon.
i don't know whether i'LL receive it with open arms
like one greets a friend
or if i'LL shun it & try to cLing to wut's gone
like one eyes an enemy

but Change... ahh that inevitabLe, reoccurring "thing" of life.
we run from it sometimes
unwiLLing to accept it
like we run from a doctor
who gives us shots & medicines
yea... it hurts sometimes
but uLtimateLy,
it can be for the best
it can heaL
it can restore
what was lost
or can bring
what never was
Change.
friend or foe?
hmm... depends on the person who greets it i guess :)

i hate how continuaL hurt can sLowLy turn to bitterness & coLdness.
i hate how weak we are... how we think that being pridefuL & bitter is being strong.. when reaLLy, it's being weak.
i hate how i'm more incLined to echo back hurtfuL things than to forgive & hoLd my tongue.
i hate how i bLame everything & everyone except myseLf.
i hate how my heart knows one thing but my mind does another.

sometimes i just wish things were easy.
but deep down i guess i know
that this is wut
makes me grow.

these experiences
shape
who i am.

i can bitterLy fight my circumstances
& hate everything about it
& bLame it for making me
feeL like a monster...
& then reaLLy eventuaLLy become
a monster.

or

i can humbLy accept my circumstances
& fix my eyes on God's timing
& love those around me
even when loving is hard to do...
& then aLLow these circumstances
to grow my heart
& become a woman of God,
loving & strong.


i stumbLe so many times.
my hand inside Your hand.

hehe just some interesting stuffs :)

See which Greek Goddess you are.

What is YOUR Highschool label?

i think i'm becoming weaker.
i can't take so much pain anymore.
before, no matter wut happened
i couLd aLways muster a smiLe
& act like nothing happened
& be cheerfuL.
now it just affects my whoLe day
my mood
my attitude
my everything.
i guess this couLd be a good thing
cuz b4 i wouLd shove aLL the pain away
& ignore it.
but now, i feeL the burden of it
the load of it
aLL on my heart.

"come to Me aLL you who are weary & burdened, & I [God] wiLL give you rest"~

but it amazes me
how bLind ppL are.
how contradictory
their words can be
from their actions.
how the same heart that is abLe to love
to an amazing capacity
can aLso hate
to the same capacity.
how a mouth that can bring forth
such love, wisdom, & encouragement
can at the same time
tear down & hurt
those who listen.

i like the lyrics to this jars of cLay song caLLed "He"...

Don't try to reach me, I'm already dead
The pain when it grips me, for things that I've done

Well I try to make you proud, but for crying out loud
Just give me a chance to hide away
Exhaustion takes over, will this someday be over?

Fearful tears are running down
The pain you've laid don't speak a sound
Don't take my heart away from me
And they think I fell down

..don't you love me?..
Then why do you hurt me?
Well I try to make you proud, but for crying out loud
Just give me a chance to hide away
Exhaustion takes over, will this someday be over?

A teardrop falls from up in the heavens
Drowning the sorrow of angels on high
For the least of the helpless, the hopeless, the loveless
My Jesus, His children, He holds in His arms

He loves you
He sees you
He knows you
protects you..
He hoLds you~


d o n ' t t a k e
m y h e a r t
a w a y f r o m m e ~

ohhhh wowwww this past weekend was the best i've had in the longest time!! major props to the bday ppL, becca & adam, who made it aLL happen. their bday/paintballing/beachcamping/boogieboarding trip was the bestest :)

on friday, we paintballed. ohhh it was sooo hot. i was kinda scared at first cuz i saw weLts on my brother's back the last time he went & when ppL were practicing their shooting, i was like dang, that thing traveLs fast. but it was reaLLyyyy fun. i got shot sooo many times!! haha but i got shot more in the beginning cuz i was never watching my back.. & then later during the game, i got a lil braver... i got shot in the head, the arm twice, my back, leg, & owwww my coLLar bone. hehehe. not as painfuL as i expected it to be. i surrendered once to justin.. but man, it was scary cuz i was like "ahhh ok ok i surrender!!" but i was aLL panicky so i started shooting as i was surrendering hahaha :D i dunno if i ever hit anyone but the onLy time i recaLL getting my target was during the last shootout when justin ran up behind becca & toLd her to SURRENDER.. then i started shooting him. but it was sooo funny cuz becca was turning around to surrender, but justin thot she was turning around to shoot. so he shot her in the booty at a REALLY cLose range. hahaha it was hiLarious :X

after that, we went to the "sausage" market haha & got drinks. then there was some miscommunication so some of us went to the beach whiLe others went to the campsite to set up. but i went boogieboarding and the waves were just ok.. not too great.. but it was stiLL fun :) back at the camp, me/danmats/bing pLayed threw a basebaLL around b4 dinner.. but we didn't know ppL started eating, so we had to wait whiLe another batch of dinner was being cooked. after dinner, we pLayed footbaLL on the beach. ohhh geeez, euny is a monster at that game!! haha evry time gene tried to throw me the baLL, she'd charge me. oh wow :X hehehe. oh wait, did i say "gene"? i meant CATWOMAN. haha. then it got reaLLy dark, so a bunch of us just layed on our backs on the sand & stargazed. we onLy knew sooome consteLLations but in the end, some of them started making up random consteLLations. there was the Liz Ho, Gordon, & David Ko/Octopus. haha jason made up Liz, and Adam made up the last two.

oh yeaaa & dan mats stoLe my beanie!! so i tried to take his.. but in the process, my naiL dug into his hand & in the dark, aLL we saw was this big dark spot.. so i thot i totaLLy tore his hand up :X SOWWIE UVA!! but ahhh friday night was the cooLest... we were on the beach tiLL 2ish in the morning.. & there was a bonfire thing.. we ate & chatted.. jon was pLaying his guitar, david was entertaining us with his stick haha.. and oooo the water was warm at night.. i was standing in the water chattin with mike when this huge wave comes & my shorts got wet.. & it was reaLLy coLd.. so i had to change into sweats hehe. & danchin toLd me this awesome anaLogy about the ocean waves... he said it's like GOd's grace.. cuz let's say you make a HUGE mark on the sand, the waves aLways come back & wash away the mark tiLL there's no trace of it. so the mark in the sand is like our sin/mistakes we make.. but no mark is too deep or too big that the waves can't eventuaLLy can't wash it away. nifty eh? :) i thought so too. weLL after, there were onLy about half of us left on the beach, & geeeeez i was sooo coLd. so we headed back... whiLe washing up, me/daphne/becca/bing started taLking... & we were taLkin for quite a bit.. cuz then after a whiLe, it got reaLLy late.. like 3am? & jason brushed his teeth & we aLL went to sLeep. hehe.

i woke up at 8am automaticaLLy... i can never sLeep in anymore aiieee.. & it was kinda hot in the tent cuz i was in between daphne & becca.. pLus the sun was warmin things up. i feLt reaLLy icky cuz i had sand aLL over me.. but saturday was fun :) at first, it was just me/euny/eugene boogieboarding but later, shane & bing found us & we boogieboarded with them too.. pLus, becca did too!! she was like "are you trying to get me addicted [to boogieboarding]?" hehe but becca, i knowww you had fun.. untiL the last wave :D hehehe. there were DOLPHINS not far from shore jumping around & lots of seaLs & jeLLyfish!! but ohhh the doLphins were soooo cute!! i saw the fins at first, so i was freaked out.. cuz i thot it was a SHARK but it was too joLLy to be sharks.. doLphins are my fav animaLs.. them & puppies :) hehe but yea, we boogieboarded for like 5 hours totaL... so fun but seaweed everyyywhere.. nasty stuff.. cuz it got aLL in my swimsuit too... it's worse than sand. ohhh & i put sunbLock evrywhere except my BACK... ohhh i am sooo burnt back there... hehe & finaLLy my arms are sore... i'm tired stiLL. hehe but ahhhh wut a great weekend. super fun.

friends sweeten life.

today is my parents' 20th anniversary.

wow.

hmmm last night was reaLLy cooL. aLL of a sudden i feLt this huge burden for my parents... i wrote them each a letter... i didn't send it to them yet tho... but i was feeLing reaLLy... drained & just reaLLy burdened... but man, euny is seriousLy the bestest friend everrrr. i drove to her house around 9ish & i was feeLing reaLLy.. i dunno, can't describe it... it's like this tired feeLing after being sad... & we sat in "my" car with the sunroof open & stargazed & mostLy sat in siLence... with lil taLk & then ended with prayer. it was so totaLLy awesome. she had aLL the right words to say to me... she didn't say much, but when she DID.. it was exactLy wut i needed to hear. thanx euny :)

ooo & i saw a shooting star too.. weLL a particLe faLLing into the earth's atmosphere.. haha wutever :) somethin like that.. it was stiLL pretty~

today i'm feeLin' a lot more AWARE of the things around me... i think i'm reaLLy seLfish... & i onLy notice things reLated to me... and my life is just miserable when i'm like that... but when i look to the needs of other ppL first.. make myseLf THIRD.. God first, others second, me third... everything faLLs into pLace better. i've started reading the bibLe in the mornings rite when i wake up & b4 i sLeep now... i'm stiLL in mid-genesis... but i wanta read it the whoLe way thru... i've never done that b4.. mostLy just skipped around & read... but yea, even if i wasn't christian... i wouLd think the bibLe was awesome.. lots of things we can live by.

& at church on sunday.. our pastor gave a quote by c.s.lewis that taLked about how lots of times ppL think christianity is nothing but a bunch of ruLes... & at first, it seems like that... but the quote goes on to say that when we have this totaLLy cooL reLationship with God that we aren't even thinking about the ruLes.. & wutever ppL caLL goodness, we don't caLL it anything at aLL... it just comes naturaLLy... & we don't notice because we're too busy looking at the Source from which it comes. i thought it was reaLLy neat :)

i bought a boogieboard yesterday :D i'm sooo excited. can't wait tiLL the beach camping trip. 2 more days.
& i'm stiLL debating whether i shouLd get new wheeLs for my roLLerbLades or totaLLy new bLades.. hmmm much to decide. hehe.

famiLy famiLy famiLy. i'm learning that famiLy is there to teach our hearts to love unconditionaLLy like God loves us... famiLy is there to heLp us grow our mind, souL, & capacity to forgive & be forgiven... famiLy can be so broken... famiLy can be so united... famiLy can be so... famiLy can be famiLy. no one & nothing can hurt you like famiLy does sometimes... but then again, no one & nothing can make you as proud as famiLy, or as loved as famiLy, or as.. beLonging i guess. peopLe aLways want more than wut they have. i shouLd be lucky my parents aren't divorced.. that they love me... that they're aLive. hmm... i hope i aLways remember the things my parents did/do that hurt me.. even if they don't mean to hurt me... & i hope i take that memory... & hoLd on to it when i have kids of my own... so i can try not to hurt them. it's amazing how quickLy we forget, isn't it? & it takes a lot to remind us.

i can't wait to go to the beach.. stargazing on the beach... i hope it's not cLoudy... & the waves... sand... can't wait.

:) God, You are the best thing that's happened to me.

any suffering i go thru... any humiLiation or bLow to my pride... i can withstand aLL & anything... if it wiLL show others that there's something more than human going on inside of me.. if i can show that the love i receive/give is beyond any love that a human can give... aLL things i can endure because of God's grace.. His AMAZING love that pours into my heart. & overfLows.. when i open my heart to Him.. He pours love into my heart... then my heart overfLows... the love that overfLows is the love i show others... that's why my reLationships with others are improved when i'm cLose to God. the patience He pours down on me aLso overfLows... & overfLows into the lives of those i know... so you see, any good that's in me is from above.

the last word is... l o v e .
[love is patient, love is kind, love is not jeaLous or boastfuL; it is not arrogant or rude. love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritabLe or resentfuL; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. love bears aLL things, beLieves aLL things, hopes aLL things, endures aLL things]

survey taken from euny's diary :)

Name: Letitia [but most ppL caLL me "tia"]

Gender: a girL.. i think hahaha

Zodiac Sign: libra

Birth date: oct.4,1984

Height: SEVEN FEET... minus a few feet... haha 5'1''ish :*( i was not bLessed by the height fairy

Color: lavendar.. or paLe yeLLow

Color to Wear: doesn't matter... but i like beach-wear.. lots of biLLabong, o'neiLL, roxy, etc.

Number: 3, 7, 25 [but onLy cuz 25 is barry bond's number]

Piece of clothing: my hooded, beige-ish GAP sweater... soooo soft

Quote: gosh.. sooo many... but the two that are reaLLy on my mind lately are: "who you are speaks sooo loudly i can't hear wut you're saying" by emerson... & one of my own "i have to learn to separate who a person IS from what they DO or SAY"... yea... but there's sooo many quotes i love...

Do you have b/f or g/f: hehe no, but i'm TAKEN.

Last Time You

Showered: this morning

Danced: wow... i'm sure i skip around & do funky stuff for fun sometimes.. but dance dance.. probLy senior baLL :X

Smiled: NEVER. hahaha :X jk.. umm i smiLed exactLy 1.4583907 minutes ago.

Laughed: 1/2 an hour agO

Had a phone call: 45 mins ago

Who was it: my mommy.. caLLing me at wOrk

Which is Better

Sunrise or Sunset?: sunsets are prettier... but sunrises symboLize better stuff :)

Sweet or Sour?: sweet

Old or New?: both

Hot or cold?: hot [haha hot so i couLd go to the beach..]

Coke or Pepsi?: neither... i like SOBE or jamba juice

Yesterday or Tomorrow?: ahhh... yesterdays are bitter & sweet... but tomorrow... tomorrow is a mystery.. i dunno

Red or Blue?: boo :)

Blind or Deaf?: awww.. not to hear someone's voice or not to hear music.. or not to enjoy the sunset or the stars... aiiieeee can't i just lose my sense of taste.. haha

Bath or Shower?: bubbLe baths.. but showers.. cuz in baths, it's like ur sitting in ur own dirt water :X

Black or White?: white.. cuz i like snow :D

Ocean or Forest?: ocean

Dogs or Cats?: puppies :)

Day or Night?: night.. cuz i love the stars

Cremation or Burial?: who cares! it's aLL about where the souL is goin'!! (^.^)

Even or Odd?: odd

City or Countryside?: countryside.. i like the outdoors :)

Vanilla or Chocolate?: vaniLLa.. but for some reason, i reaLLy like chocoLate when i'm hungry :B

Sun or Rain?: i love the sun.. but i aLso love hearing rain pattering on the roof when i'm sLeeping

Pen or Pencil?: geLLy pens

Summer or Winter?: summer

Yes or No

You keep a diary: yes :)

You sketch or do things while on the phone: aLL the time.. ask euny, she knows my phone habits :X

You have a secret: OMIGOSH YEA. WANTA HEAR ONE?? TOO BAD (^.^)

You snore: naw. but i think i do when i'm reaLLy tired or when i'm sick :X

You talk in your sleep: zzzz... no i don't taLk in my sLeep... zzzz...

You eat fast: i try not to :X cuz i heard it's not heaLthy

When the alarm goes off you immediately get up: no... my amazing body has been trained to sLeep for 15 more minutes & then to automaticaLLy wake up after :D hehe

You enjoy being photographed: sure, if i'm in the mood for breaking camera lenses (^.~)

More Basics

Right or Left Handed?: right hand.. aLthough i wish i was a left-handed batter in softbaLL

Parents -- married, divorced: married... but mmm.. not a happy topic there

Hobbies: roLLerbLading, boogieboarding, skateboarding [onLy at skateparks.. sooo fun], softbaLL, i looove reading, piano, writing [poetry, creative writing, etc], art [sketching mostLy]

Favorite ice cream: ben n jerry's oranges & cream

Hygiene Habits

Shampoo used: one that's gOod at cLeaning

Conditioner used: one that smeLLs nice :) weLL, to me

Styling products used: hairbrush. that's it. i'm so lazy when it comes to hair.. i just brush it & that's aLL :)

Makeup: hmm maybe some eye stuffs.. but not if i'm gonna be pLayin sports

Deodorant brand and scent: woops.. i haven't used deodorant since i stopped pLayin softbaLL :X i don't think i smeLL bad though..

Nail polish -- yes or no?: i have a funky naiL poLish habit... i put it on & wait for it to aLLLL chip off on its own or i peeL it when i'm bored.. then i put more on :D

Sing in the shower or not?: i used to a LOT.. but now... most of my singing/taLking goes on in my mind..

Dress Habits: tank top, shorts, fLipfLops

Miscellanous

What's on your answering machine?: no answering machine :D

What is the coolest gift you've ever received?: jesus christ [from God] :) but from a PERSON... probLy from dan chin... this journaL thing he made with some pictures & quotes n stuff... i like gifts that are hand-made...

What's the coolest gift you've given?: wrote a song for jamie, my "lil sis" :) & it was a HAPPY song.. but she started CRYING!!

80. Have you sent or received flowers in the past year?: yeaaaa... my favorites were the yeLLow roses my aunt gave me for my bday & the lavendar one from migueLito! [they dried reaLLy niceLy.. i loooove drying roses.. esp yeLLow ones]

Assuming you have one, what's sitting on your computer moniter: my bOombox, some leis, an autographed ken griffey jr baLL, barry bonds' bear doLL, a sticker that says "pray hard", & a smaLL bear angeL [poor computer monitor...]

About how many books do you own?: SOOOOO MANY i love books. i gobbLe them up.

About how many of those have you read?: aLL of them... at least 283805 times each :)

Do you collect anything?: dried fLowers, books, star stuffs, cLassicaL pooh stuff

Do you own a calendar or date book? Do you use it?: i use microsoft outlook a LOT

When you're jotting down notes, do you print or write (cursive)?: i scribbLe..

When you doodle, what do you draw? stars

Have a nice day! errr.. okay! :)

hmmm i wish i was cLose to my mom.. i wish she was christian too. hehe, random thoughts :)

but yesterday was soo fun.. euny came over & we drove to berean's christian bookstore [aka, berena's house!! hahaha] & ahhhh they have suchhh cute stuff in there. but i onLy brought $20 cuz i was tryin to have some seLf controL... but we bought these braceLets that say "taken" & then it has a heart with a cross in it... too bad it's like BRIGHT PINK!! hehe but it's aLL good... & i bought 4 posters for my dorm room!! i have a theme goin here... wooohooo (^.^) & i'm takin ALL my dried fLowers down with me to put on my waLL n stuff. hehehe. and we were there for a coupLe hours i'd say... OH & i got the cooLest bumper sticker for "my" car.. haha *sniffLes* weLL, i don't have my own car... so i'm using my uncLe's oLd paint-chipped preLude that he lent to my brother that my brother is lending to me, in a way. hahaha but yea, the bumper sticker says "don't let this car fooL you. my treasure is in heaven" hahaha. & hmmm i have probLems at making u-turns.. but that's ok :D & we stopped by karen park's house... she cut her hair!! i swear.. she's an utter stiLL-on-the-boat [not fob, SOB] korean now!! hahaha but i didn't see her 4ever so that was neatoooo... i couLd onLy give a brief TiaTour due to pressing time, but MAN some customers!! they keep cutting the tour guide off mid-sentence!! ahahaha "excuse me, but TiaTours does not like to be interrupted" ahahaha... okie, if ur reading my jurnoe & have NO CLUE wut i'm referring to... then ur lucky cuz ur spared from my insanity :) but OH OH i cannot wait untiL october!! cuz omi is comin to stay in my dorm with meeee & we are going to the RELIENT K concert in san diegooo!!! YEAAAAA i can't wait!! haha & after berean's [i can never taLk in chronoLogicaL order.. i skip around too much.. haha eh] me & euny went to the basebaLL card store & i got two 50 cent barry bonds' cards!! haha.. i'm not as crazy about basebaLL as euny is... i like pLaying it more i guess :) even tho i STILL think softbaLL is better... hehe.

AND AHHHHHHH I CAN'T WAIT TILL THIS FRIDAY-SATURDAY!!! BEACH CAMPING HERE I COME!!! hehehe yayyy adam/becca's bday beach camping trip is gonna be soooo superfun!! me & euny aren't sLeeping... we're gonna stargaze!!! yeaaaa & waLk the beach in the middLe of the night!! & duuuuude i FINALLY get to go BOOGIEBOARDING!! dude, 3 things i've been sadLy deprived of this summer: 1. beach, 2. camping, 3. BOOGIEBOARDING. and this weekend i get ALL THREE!!! YEAAAAAA i can't wait i can't wait i can't wait!!! :D

but yes, let it be known... i was taLkin to gene & we've decided that august 15th or so shouLd be a designated BEACH DAY b4 everyone leaves for schooL... cuz not evryone can go beach camping!! so YEA!! let me know if aug 15 works!!

aLritey, i gotta shower & go to work.. then go to an eye exam & get more contacts & get my glasses tuned up. hehe & then i shaLL be home!!

the last word is... God. [cuz He's good aLL the time & He's the one good thing in my life that never changes]

Rags13K (12:07:00 AM): DOPEY!!!
tia tia star (12:07:36 AM): ahahaha i swear
tia tia star (12:07:43 AM): you make me sound like a dope addict
Rags13K (12:09:39 AM): that could explain a lot of things......
tia tia star (12:09:48 AM): =O
[and then we talk about movies.. & he makes fun of me AGAIN!!]
Rags13K (12:16:34 AM): those were two good movies
Rags13K (12:18:11 AM): so was snow white and the seven dwarfs, but only cuz U were IN IT
[shouLd i continue being his friend?? teLL me wut u think]

ohhhh my, friends are indeed interesting. hehehe. TiaTours, Inc. has begun services yesterday :D our first customer, omi, was rather pLeased with her 15 min tour!! ahahaha that snobby basketbaLL court was turning its NOSE up at us!! hmph!! AHAHA & euny shaLL be our next victim.. eh i mean CUSTOMER tomorrow!! then euny & i shaLL visit our dear friend berena who lives at berean's ahahaha. mmm i was reminiscing with omi about jr year.. man, even tho that was a killer year academically.. it was soooo fun socially (^.^) hehehe me, omi, danmats... OUR SLUSHIE WARS!!!! HEHEHE & me/omi waLking around the library talkin & talkin... ppL wouLd be like "those girLs waLked by here 2038539 times!!" hahaha & oh man, caLc & engLish cLass... aiiiieeee :) fun stuffs :)

talkin to omi about coLLege...
tia tia star (11:53:27 PM): man omi seoirusly tho
tia tia star (11:53:49 PM): ur gonna be the closest one to me that i can go to when i need to talk to someone!!
tia tia star (11:54:05 PM): so ur dorm room better be free always =] in case tia needs to sleep over
IamAproDorksicle (11:54:11 PM): OF COURSE
tia tia star (11:54:16 PM): hehehe good
IamAproDorksicle (11:54:18 PM): YOu will gave your designated Tia sleeping spot
tia tia star (11:54:22 PM): ahahahaha
tia tia star (11:54:24 PM): OK
IamAproDorksicle (11:54:25 PM): haha NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO SLEEP THERE!
tia tia star (11:54:31 PM): and i'll have a designated omi spot!!!
IamAproDorksicle (11:54:31 PM): hahahahaha ONLY TIA!
tia tia star (11:54:37 PM): me too!!!
tia tia star (11:54:39 PM): ONLY OMI!!!
tia tia star (11:54:40 PM): AHAHHAA
IamAproDorksicle (11:54:48 PM): AHHAha WOOHOO!!!
tia tia star (11:54:50 PM): :D
tia tia star (11:54:54 PM): but YES
IamAproDorksicle (11:54:56 PM): HAHAHAH
tia tia star (11:55:03 PM): i wiLL have a star rug on the fLoor JUST FOR YOU
IamAproDorksicle (11:55:03 PM): haha i'll draw a star outline on the floor
tia tia star (11:55:05 PM): AHAHAHAHHAA
tia tia star (11:55:06 PM): OMG
tia tia star (11:55:08 PM): we are psychic
IamAproDorksicle (11:55:09 PM): no one is even allowed to step init
IamAproDorksicle (11:55:10 PM): HAHHAHA
IamAproDorksicle (11:55:12 PM): OMG WE THINKA LIKE
IamAproDorksicle (11:55:14 PM): AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
tia tia star (11:55:15 PM): AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
IamAproDorksicle (11:55:19 PM): SCARY
IamAproDorksicle (11:55:21 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
tia tia star (11:55:55 PM): AHAHAHA

can't wait to chiLL with eunyrOo tomorrows!! so goobye!!

you don't know wut's sweet untiL you know wut's bitter.

haha somethin of that sort.. a quote i can totaLLy reLate with hehe. today was a better day than yesterday :) quite pLeasant.

tutoring was shorter than usuaL cuz nathan is away at camp... so for lunch, we had dim sum!! it was sooo gOod :9 then i went to costco.. haha i have an eye exam this saturday 3:30.. finally i can get stronger contacts... & man, my gLasses are kinda broken.. the part that goes behind ur ear.. but it's only a lil part of it that's chipped.. but it's my fav frames that i had since 8th grade... haha my first pair of glasses.. and i stiLL like em :X so i think i'LL keep it stiLL. haha. hmm i taLk about a lot of pointless stuff.. but that's ok.. cuz that's wut this jurnoe is for :) but man, my mom is so weird... today, she acted like nothin happened... eh *shrugs* that's cooL with me.

so yuppers, i went shopping at jc penney today & i got tu's goodbye gift for coLLege.. she leaves 3am tonight... i'mma miss her :( she was my best friend in jr high & the onLy one that i kept in touch with from my oLd schooL aLL thru high schooL.. i went to her house & we waLked to the park.. then we waLked to my oLd house... & we taLked muchooo about coLLege, the future, the past... lots of memories.. lots of things... it's kinda funny.. cuz before, we were looking ahead to the long four years of high schooL... & we were sooo sad cuz i was moving... but today, we were looking at the long 4 years of coLLege.. kinda interesting :) it was niice.. hehe & her gift was neat cuz we used to have nicknames for each other based on our favorite colors.. & i liked lavendar & she liked baby bLue.. but instead of caLLin it "lavendar" we caLLed it baby vioLet.. hahaha so i saw this one siLver pin that had two prettyyy fLowers on it.. one was cLear lavendar & one was cLear baby bLue... so YUP it was perfect :) haha okie, i must be a girL.. spending so much time describing a pin.. but yah mon, it was cooL. yah. hehe.

& then we went to my grandma's!! we've been goin there a lot lately. but today we took the dogs with us!! and ahhh eLisa was goin crazyyy hehe she loves dogs. & evry time choco wouLd jump up, eLisa's so smaLL that choco's paw wouLd reach her head.. so eLisa wouLd get knocked down. hehe. she is the most adorabLe baby i ever did saw. haha. & whenever you say "eLisa, po-po [korean for "kiss"] she puckers up sooo cute hahaha.. but her kiss is rather wet :P

i'm goin to the beach thursday afternoon with my aunt & cousin rachael!! hehe supposedLy either we're ending tutoring earLy & goin or i'm tutoring her AT the beach... i wanta go BOOGIEBOARDING!! yeaaaaaa (^.^) OH OH & i can't waiiiit tiLL adam/becca's bday beach camping trip!!! YEAAAAA ADAM I AM GOING!! I AM NO LONGER A CORN FLAKE!! hahaha!!

oh oh & yesterday, i went to jamba with eunyrOo!! weLL, i took the dogs for a run to the lake & she met up with me there.. but it was rahter too cLoudy for a nice sunset... there WAS no sun haha.. but yea, then we went to young's to drop off cookies euny made & then we ate STRAWBERRY CAKE at her house. omg soooo yummy.. but OH at the maLL today i got the COOLEST socks for me & euny!! hahaha COW SOCKS!! man, i never reaLLy liked cows.. but since it became like this inside joke... something about euny's neighbors [not the human neighbors!! omg that'd be mean.. we're referring to the cows that live in the farm near her house hahaha] & so yea, now evry time i see somethin with a cow on it, i'm like ahh i shouLd buy it for euny! haha even if it's kinda ugLy :X but the socks ARE cute!! :D

i write too much gibberish on here. so the last word is: INDIANA [cuz tungster sent me pictures today of mark, jason, mai, jencar, me, him, jamie, aaron, kajun.. in that order around the restaurant's tabLe, when we went out to dinner.. & pictures from the bridge of me, mai, jencar, & jamie. yupyup so i miss aLL of ya!! awww esp me-jay-me :) love ya!!]

sometimes i just like to write on here & vent. it's nice to vent to an inanimate object at times because they don't try to give you advice, they don't say the wrong things, they just are there. not that i don't appreciate advice or stuff like that, i just sometimes need time to cooL down before i can look at a situation clearly. man, when i get mad.. i don't get mad often.. but when i do, my anger is like a flame.. it flares up for a bit and then it settles down... but when that flare is up, the smoke blinds me & the heat misleads me.. which is why.. when i get mad, i need to cool down by myself... & usually i get mad cuz i'm hurt. any other time, i have patience.. but aiiee, that is my stumbling block. my temper. & then i hate it cuz i say rash things that i regret later... but i heard a cooL anaLogy that i can totaLLy relate to...

a little boy had a problem with his temper. he would say and do things in his anger and then immediately regret them afterward. so his parents toLd him that whenever he got angry & wanted to do or say something injurious.. to get a nail and hammer it into the fence.. then when he was feeling calmer, to pull the nail out. so he did that many, many times. soon, all the nails were pulled out of the fence, but to his surprise, he realized the fence wasn't the same. where the nails once were, there were now holes. so the moral is.. you can't quite undo the harm.. you can take back your words/actions like the boy took back the nails.. but holes are left in the hearts of those you hurt.

& oh man, lately my mom has been number one on my rar list. she can be soooo brutally illogical.. like ok, i can stand it if someone does/says something i don't agree with.. that's totally fine, if they can back it up with some logic or SOMETHING... but i can't stand it when they say or do hurtful things just cuz they're in a bad mood.. & if they're in a bad mood, then everyone else should be too. & the things she says... she doesn't even take the nails out [refer to the above story]... she just leaves the nails in my heart, thinking that they'll disappear over time. i know i still love her.. but she hurts me. sooo much. & even though she's not christian, i'm fine with it.. i mean i pray for her... but i never ridicule or judge her because she's not christian... but she does it to me when she's angry. her words are like razors flying from her mouth... they cut and they ravage thru relationships. & it takes all of my patience plus the patience God gives me at times like that not to say equally hurtful things to her. she can be such an awesome mom sometimes.. when she's in a good mood... but when she isn't... she has no discretion, no mercy, no love... i'm sure i do the same... but does she even KNOW how much she hurts peopLe? when i teLL her that she hurts me, wut does it do? she doesn't understand.

but it's only after i've vented & after i've finished fuming that i can remember how much grace God has shown me... & so i shouLd stiLL be loving to my mom & i shouLd stiLL respect/honor her... even though it's sooooo freakin hard sometimes... argh.

forgiveness not onLy frees the person being forgiven, but the forgiver as weLL.

ehhhh i never have time to write on here nemore :X hehehe. but i have sooo much to write!!

yesterday adam & naomi came to church wiht meeee!! & haha we went to a mexican taqueria after... not like taco beLL.. i mean like real hardcore mexican food!! & we got HUGE supreme burritos & my dad chiLLed with us too. hahaha & omi seriousLy ate like two bites.. that girL!! haha :D & then we went to the mexican bakery & got some gooood bread!! hehehe mmmmm :9 and then since i have no sense of direction, we were lost for a whiLe. but it's aLLLLL goooood :) then me & omi headed to berean's [christian bookstore] & i went to teacher's supply first to get some tutoring books for lil cousins [rach & nathan].

& ohhhh man, when i was comin out of teacher's suppLy, i started walkin toward's berean's & outside there were two homeless guys... & i tried not to look at them at first.. & i tried to pretend i didn't see them :X but one of them stopped me & started talkin to me!! he asked me if i went to church [i said yes] & he asked me wut the lil kids were taught in church... so assuming he hadn't heard the gospeL.. i started to tell him about jesus dying on the cross for us & stuff like that... & he toLd me that the churches he visited wouLd escort him out of their buiLding [catholic churches] & all this mean stuff like that... so i gave him our church address & phone number & toLd him to stop by sometime [cuz he DID have a car.. just no house or job]... and he said he wouLd!! [so maybe i'LL see him this sunday?] & he was teLLing me about the kinds of lives that homeless people live... how they have to keep moving or ppL caLL the cops on them... & i used to have a reaLLy bad opinion of the homeLess.. thinkin that they shouLd go look for jobs instead of asking for money... but this guy started to teLL me about his famiLy.. his mom was CRUEL to him & put him out of the house... so he had no home when he was young... & finaLLy one day his life changed.. he decided to become a "christian soLdier" cuz of a nice deed some guy did for him... so he went to oregon & made $80,000 a year... but he had a big accident... almost died... you can stiLL see some scars on him i think... & he limps when he waLks.. & something isn't right with his vision... & he's missing more than haLf his teeth... so he's out of a job now... & it's hard to find jobs when you don't have an address or references... so he was teLLing me aLL about his life & stuff... & even though omi was inside berean waiting for me, i had a feeLing that i shouLd just stay there & listen to this guy... i think we stood there taLking for about an hour & 15 minutes... he did most of the taLking & i mostLy listened.. but it was sooo weird... i never reaLized how bad my perception of homeless peopLe were... & he was saying how the men are nicer than the women are at giving money & stuff... that's kinda true, i think... & his brothers recentLy made his mom reaLLy sick.. cuz she's reaLLy mean & takes their paychecks... so they, i guess, tried to "get rid" of her... but didn't succeed... so after taLkin to this guy, he had the sense that i had to go now... cuz omi tried caLLing my ceLL phone.. but i didn't pick up, thinkin it'd be rude to interrupt the guy & taLk on the ceLL phone... but i gave him $4 to get dinner.. & he was like "oh here, take a doLLar back & get yourseLf some good ice cream at mcD's"... i said no... but just the fact that he offered it.. wow... and after a whiLe, he started sniffLing like he was about to cry or something... but he was saying how he was starting to think that women were aLL eviL & stuff... but that God MUST have been speaking to him today cuz a young girL like me stood there & listened to him talk.... & some of the stuff he said REALLY hit home for me... like he said people waLk by & ask "how are you doing?" but never stop to hear the response.... and that's exactLy like me... i'm aLways so busy doing stuff that i don't stop & listen to peopLe... & he said that God showed him some hope... & he said "you know... i'm so gLad i taLked to you today.. because now, for some reason, i have a feeLing that i shouLd caLL my mom & see how she is... she's in the hospitaL rite now.. but i need to hear her voice & know that she's okay.. even though she doesn't love me & is a terrible mother, i need to caLL her... thank you"... and wow, i was aLmost in tears.. it was soooo awesome.... cuz even tho some ppL wouLd think the guy got dinner money so he was more bLessed by the conversation... i think i was too... my opinon on the homeLess has changed... & just the fact that you don't have to go far to find ppL who are in need.. & the fact that they're peopLe JUST LIKE US.. & GOd loves them just the same... yea, so awesome. i was in totaL awe yesterday.. & i gave the guy a hug & as he was waLking away, he said "i'LL stop by your church & if you're not there, i'LL leave a note for you so you know that i reaLLy came & that God reaLLy works"... so yea. amazing :) *sigh*

but yupyup i tutor evry weekday 9-12 in the morning now... & this week in the afternoon, i teach 2 kids' bible clubs in the rundown areas of san jose... pretty nifty :) i have to teach in spangLish.. haha cuz the big kids can speak engLish but lil kids onLy speak spanish... but they're fun :) today, 3 jr high boys received christ. awesome.

ahhh thai food is good!! haha i had lunch with kevin wangster-gangbanger today!! it was sooo gOod.. this noodLe stuff caLLed... ummm see-ew? hehe quite interesting :)

& hmmm david [ko]'s riddLes amuse me greatLy. ahaha... they're mind-proddLing!! [is that a word? eh. oh weLL. i guess it now.. in tia's dictionary hehe] but kajun was heLpin me today with some of em!! i need to think of cooL riddLes too. haha ohhh here's one: i squawk & eat corn. what am i? hahaha a chickennnnn.. that was random & made no sense. hehe shoooot.

but OMIGOSH i am going to keeeeeL aaron!! man he's sooo lucky he lives 03539939 miLes away or i wouLd take him dowwwwn... like SMACKDOWN. ohhhh my. i am sooo way too guLLibLe.. i trust peopLe tooo muchhhh even after they trick me over & over & over again. he toLd me some freakish dude with white eyes asked him for a ride.. but he said he was too busy.. and they guy grabbed his shirt & said there were angeLs fLying around his head & he SCREAMED. then he ran, got hit by a car, & died. but he said is soooooo convincingLy... oh man.. & i was kinda questioning it... but i didn't wanta seem rude or be like "wutever" in case it reaLLy was true... but after a whiLe, he didn't say just kidding or anything so i REALLY beLieved him!! & ohhh man how freakyyyy... but then he started saying "ahh i'm scared. i hear voices. help" or something so i kinda knew he was kidding.. but i wasn't WAY SURE... then he's like jk. omigosh i beLieve peopLe too muchhhh!!! and and i remember karen [park] once toLd me she got into a car accident & aLL this stuff... & i started crying cuz she couLd've died or something... & then she said just kidding. OH MAN. maybe it's cuz i beLieve ppL when they teLL me things over IM... but i remember junior year.. in engLish cLass, naomi toLd me that cows eat mice for protein like onLy once in a whiLe or something.. & i beLieved her. goshhhhh i am suchhhh a ditz sometimes. rar :P

it's 1:13 am rite now :) i sLept 3 hours today from 6-9pm... so i'm not too tired... aiiieeee... that's such a descriptive word. aiiieee. mmm yea. haha ok i need to finish some stuff b4 i konk out... so gnitey, God bLess, & sweet dreams!! :)

kOnk.

ohana means family... that means no one is left behind or forgotten ~lilo & stitch

hahaha i read a really cute story today: oliver wendell holmes once attended a meeting in which he was the shortest man present. "dr. holmes," quipped a friend, "i should think you'd feel rather small among us big fellows." "i do," retorted holmes, "i feel like a dime among a lot of pennies." (^.^) oh boy, SCOORE for all of us short ones. ahaha jp

i'm realizing something... with this whole spiritual warfare thing that we as believers in Christ sometimes go thru... the majority of the battles are fought at home. at least, for me it is. cuz no one knows you better than your family does... no one knows all your lil quirks and habits like they do... they know how you get when you're mad, when you're sad, when you're happy... they know YOU cuz they live with you and deal with you 24/7. home is your comfort zone. it's where you're relaxed... it's where you can be YOU... cuz there's no one to impress, no one to reject you [or supposedly not... cuz family is family no matter wut]... and so if you can still show the fruits of the spirit [galatians 5:22 "the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, faithfulness, goodness, kindness, gentLeness, & seLf-controL"] then wow, awesome. but if not, pray about it... cuz satan attacks from the home most of the time... cuz isn't it true? if something goes wrong at home, it always affects your mood and everything else? i know that for me, this is something i really need to work on... especially in the relationships i have with my parents & my brother. just because i'm HOME doesn't mean that i'm SAFE from attacks. & if you can unconditionaLLy love your family and still respect/honor them, then that's just amazing too. cuz you know them sooo well too... not the best, but more than you know about other people... and if you can still respect them despite their shortcomings and annoying habits, then wow. isn't that so true tho? hehe, just some things i've been musing over :)

it's official. i wake up evryday at 10:30ish now. wut a slug. haha.. i love running in the mornings.. but now i can't wake up to do it :X oh well. i like running at sunset too hehe. today i went to gaLLeria with my mom & we shopped around a bit, ate lunch, and came home. now i have stuff to dooo but i'll do it later :)

yesterday was fuuuun. after work, i went to the movies with euny, mike, eugene, linshuang, davidko, rags, alvin, marylou, jason, & uhh.. i 4get if there were more people :X woops... but yea, anyway, we watched road to perdition... & oiiii wut a sad movie... it left me feeling quite depressed afterward. hehe but that's ok cuz we went to coco's after & i shared a patty melt with euny. it was sooooo funny cuz our waitor's name was pedro... & we made a face on my plate & i was gonna write "pedro" on the plate with mustard.. but hahaha that's kinda mean :X so i didn't... but it was hysterical. & ahhhh scary guy at the movies... hahaha me & euny were sooo scared. oh well. i know tae-kwon-do. haha jk no i don't.. but euny does! so it's all good. & yeaaa it was nice seeing school people again :)

lalala konk.

oh boyyy, last night was soooo fun!! hahaha around 9:30ish, my mom let me drive over to euny's place!!! I HAVEN'T SEEN HER SINCE GRAD NIGHT WHICH WAS A MONTH AGO!! AHHHHHHH it was quite exciting to see her again!! hehehe & mike was there too!! and my juwee fruit bowl!! we played GWopoLy... wut a fun game!! hahaha, man i wish i could've stayed longer and played!! hehe but i had to leave at 11 :) & now i forgot why, but we had a lot of good laughs hehehe. & i went to grandma's b4 that... eLisa is soooo cute!!! ahhhh i'm gonna eat her :X she's almost two now!! & that's the cutest age everrrr. & i planted some lychee seeds with leslieeee. ahaha & my uncle chris was telling me about his college years [at ucLa] & how his grades were sooo bad cuz he partied too much... & so after he got a letter from the schooL saying he was in danger of being booted, he started shaping up. oi :X ahhh & i'm stiLL praying for my aunt youmni!!! cuz cuz i taLked to her like twice about GOd n stuff & she said she wasn't sure.. but yesterday at my grandma's house, i saw a bibLe on her bed!!! & i knowww my uncle chris doesn't read the bibLe... so maybe maybeeee she's reading it & checkin it out!! :D so pLeeeease pray 4 her!! & my mom tooo... lalala but yea, supercooL :*)

i can't waiiiiit tiLL next week!!! GIANTS' GAME!! & hekkaaaa good seats too!! yeaaaaaa!!! i'm gonna paint my face! hehehe... well i might think that one over a bit more (^.~)

BUT OH BOY I DO NOT LIIIIKE SAD ENDINGS!!! [that's why i love disney movies] the mill on the floss has SUCH a sad ending!! it just ruined my day. dahhhhhh :P hehe it was sooo sad. sniffLes. wow, in the past two weeks i watched: minority report, a beautiful mind, lilo & stitch, finding forrester [forgot how to spell it], armageddon, i am sam, the green mile... & tomorrow i'm gonna watch 'road to perdition'... dude, i neverrrr watch this many movies. haha :) i usually never have any time. & i've been to the mall 29385738 times too! geez




What Snack Food are YOU? Click here to find out!
i'm a twinkie =X & this is wut it toLd me: Spongy, yellow, and an utter mystery, you're the X-file of snack foods! More people ponder you than consume you, but you don't mind--you get to remain uneaten and...er...free to do Twinkish things! *grin*

oooookay :X i'm amused! haha..

i wrote lots of songs in the past two weeks... but this one i wrote for my brother :) it's called "don't you know".. & it's kinda supposed to be like God talkin to us... mmm yea :) here it is

it hurts Me
to see you frustrated & so lost
stumbLing aLong life's road
without a map
i watch you fall so many times
I want you to ask Me for heLp
but cuz of My love for you
i must patiently wait until you learn
to reach up for My hand

don't you know
My heart breaks
when you cry out
& instead of reaching for Me
you reach for the things of the worLd
don't you know
I alone can pick you up
& don't you know
a righteous man may fall 7 times
& rise again
don't you know

i am soooo tiiired :) but indiana was reaLLy fuuun, i met lots of cooL buddies!! but awww i miss all of ya!! i'LL write more about the trip later.. haha too lazy :X

it's kinda nice to be home again... but eh, home comes along with its own special bag of problems & issues. yucko. dude, family can sometimes be the nicest thing in your life [aside from God] but it could be the most heart/mind-wracking thing ever too. rar. muchoooo prayers are needed. i'd rather not elaborate :)

i'm almost finished reading "the mill on the floss"... it's pretty good i have to admit... lots of good quotable quotes in it. haha. & notable notes.. i sound like mr. stephan :X oii... but one quote i liked was "i flutter in all directions & fly in none".. that soooo explains me. nuf said :)

euny, i need a bit of an unloading time on ya later :) a lil mOo-time haha.

hmmm it's kinda interesting how.. if i'm emotionaLLy or spirituaLLy worn out, it makes me physicaLLy tired too... & no amount of sLeep can make the tired-ness go away. but even if i'm physicaLLy tired, if i'm emotionaLLy/spirituaLLy fired up... i suddenLy don't feeL tired anymore. weird huh?

kOnk.

i square.. somethin is wrong with me... today, i cannot speak OR spell OR type OR anything that requires the minimaL amount of inteLLigence!! :X

IamAproDorksicle (2:25:34 PM): i wanna eat it :D
IamAproDorksicle (2:25:44 PM): OMG it yAWNs!
tia tia star (2:25:45 PM): it's a snoring cotton candy =D
IamAproDorksicle (2:25:46 PM): how cute!!!
tia tia star (2:25:53 PM): hahaha
IamAproDorksicle (2:25:59 PM): OMG its feet move
IamAproDorksicle (2:26:03 PM): omg i could stare at it all day
tia tia star (2:26:06 PM): AHAAHA
IamAproDorksicle (2:26:08 PM): its sooooooo cute
tia tia star (2:26:15 PM): wowwww ur so observive
tia tia star (2:26:17 PM): uhhh
tia tia star (2:26:20 PM): observative
IamAproDorksicle (2:26:21 PM): ahahahahhaha
tia tia star (2:26:25 PM): i forgot how to talk!!
tia tia star (2:26:26 PM): omg
IamAproDorksicle (2:26:26 PM): observant?
IamAproDorksicle (2:26:29 PM): AHAHHAA
tia tia star (2:26:29 PM): AHAHAHA
tia tia star (2:26:30 PM): OH YEA
IamAproDorksicle (2:26:34 PM): AHAHHAHAHA
tia tia star (2:26:37 PM): i can't speLL OR TALK today!!
tia tia star (2:26:39 PM): ahahahahaaa
tia tia star (2:26:43 PM): observant!!
IamAproDorksicle (2:26:45 PM): hahahahahaha
tia tia star (2:26:49 PM): ohhh man. something is terribly wrong with me =X
IamAproDorksicle (2:27:03 PM): teehee
tia tia star (2:27:49 PM): oh wow. i'm a high schooL graduate tooo!
tia tia star (2:27:53 PM): aiiieeee

hummmm my church friends went to the beach today to go boogieboarding. & i was sooo gonna go but then my dad reminded me i had stuffs to do. boooo :P

but randomly during church my mind started wandering [which it usuaLLy NEVER does!! :D haha jk] & i was thinking of an anaLogy...

lots of times in life, we try to pLace our own vaLue on ourseLves. we're reaLLy "me"-centered & seLfish in manyyy ways. so it's like... we pLace a price-tag on ourseLves... saying "hey look, i'm worth so much!" & when we compare ourseLves to other peopLe, we think we're either worth more or worth less than other peopLe. comparing ourseLves to others: it's wut we do so often... but think about how injurious that is. it's because of the way we compare that we get envious, jeaLous, bitter, arrogant... it's in no way beneficiaL to either party. & so we have these price-tags on us... & the amount we're worth is the one we make up ourseLves by comparing our taLents & appearances & inteLLect & other quaLities to those of other peopLe... but wut God does... when we surrender our lives to Him, the first thing He does is tear off those price-tags. & at first, we're totaLLy crushed.. we're broken... our price-tags are gone... so we think we're worthLess now. but noooo, God lifts us up on our feet... He gives us a fatherLy hug, looks into our eyes & tells us... "don't put a price on yourseLf. don't let the worLd put a price on you either. instead, let ME put a price on you... because onLy I know exactLy how much you're worth." as our tears are wiped away, we look down & see a new price-tag... one that lasts for eternity... & as we look more closely.. it says in boLd letters: PRICELESS.

haha i know. i'm random. but reaLLy... it's pretty awesome if you think about it :)

"we're not loved by God because we're vaLuabLe. instead, we're vaLuabLe because we're loved by God"~

today is saturday :) & ohhh man, wut a busy week it was last week.

i had christian youth in action training all week from 8:30 tiLL 5:30. isn't that nuts? hehe. but it was cooL. we worked with lots of little kids... sooo adorable. & we did open air evangeLism one day at the park & that was just sooo neat. & ahhhh one awesome highlight of the week: euny/mike got 12th at nationaLs!!! when i found out, i was on my ceLL phone, driving home from band practice... it was exciting.. but it's dangerous to be so excited while driving :"D hehe. look, it's an indian :"D HOW! hehe.

at training "graduation" last night, the speaker was telling us to dedicate our whole hearts and whole SELVES to God. because sometimes we get distracted by things... like the opposite gender :X hehe. & it was reaLLy awesome... he was teLLing us to just give God our entire hearts... don't give Him the leftovers... don't waste our emotions & affections on temporary reLationships... give it to God. we onLy have a little bit of time to be "singLe" & to totaLLy concentrate on God... cuz in severaL years, we'LL be married [or supposedLy] & then our hearts wiLL be divided. & this is a time to just totaLLy serve God & focus on Him... why worry about gaining a boy/girL's attention when you can have the fuLL & TOTAL attention of the One who loves you the MOST? [God] & i was thinkin, "yea! that's wut i'm sayin!" :) it was quite gOod.

oh oh & at training, i met this girL named uhh.. grace! :) grace jang. & she goes to ucsd!! she's gonna be a second year in the faLL [rooseveLt coLLege] & she was teLLing me about the different christian feLLowships they had there & she said she'd take me to hers :) it's some korean mission-minded one. & she said there's lots of "southern koreans" there... so ehhh it ought to be interesting... hehe. & i've decided FINALLY to just stick with a doubLe rOom. mmmm mostLy cuz my dad said to, but i've decided it on my own too. hehe. in ONE week, i'LL be indiana!! & on wednesday, i leave for SD orientation!! oreoooo...

but but EUNY IS BACK TODAY!!! man, i can't beLieve it's onLy been a week since graduation... & since grad night... but it seems like such a long time ago.

i'm kinda excited about coLLege now :) there's so much i wanta do. i wanta be a nerd :B hehe. & i wanta surf & boogieboard & go to the beach everyday & meet COOL friends [just as cooL as the ones i have now :) muah, much love. oh baby haha] & i wanta TOTALLY be on fire for God & do amazing things for Him in coLLege!! & i wanta learn to street-skateboard & do tricks on my roLLerbLades!! & read lots of books. and.. and...

i have so many dried fLowers in my room now :) i think i wanta take some to coLLege. i love drying them. they're sooo pretty. they're mostLy dried yeLLow roses, but i have some other mixtures in there too :)

i need consistency... in my waLk with Christ & in the things i decide to do. i think i'm too impuLsive & scatterminded. sometimes i'd be reaLLy into something.. then later it fades.. & i get reaLLy into something eLse... too many things. i was thinking about that... i do too many things. i have no focus. i was thinking of that as i turned my compy on today... i opened 4 programs aLL at once & it took forever for aLL of them to load up... but i was thinking if i just opened one at a time, it'd be faster. & i'm wondering if i shouLd do that with the other things i do too...

hmmm i have lots of random things i ponder over lately... like... it seems that every time i'm with reLatives or friends, we taLk about coLLege.. which is totaLLy naturaL.. but especiaLLy my reLatives.. they aLways say things like "ahhh you're gonna be sooo crazy with aLL that independence & you'LL probabLy have a boyfriend and never study!" & i dunno. i know that lots of peopLe hook up when they go to coLLege, but mmm... i don't think i want to. i mean, why do it just for the sake of doing it? you know? i think that right now.. and for a long time yet, just FRIENDS is good for me. cuz during high schooL... i got distracted so much by "sociaL things" & that kind of junk... & ummm yea... my grades suffered & i wasted a lot of unnecessary time... lots of unnecessary anxiety. it's quite distracting... and hey, i don't NEED one. cuz ok think about it, why do we REALLY want those types of reLationships? rite now i have aLL the love i couLd ever want, so why search for more? & wouLdn't it be a better investment with my time to serve God & buiLd up my other brothers & sisters in Christ rather than wasting time with lil petty reLationships that end up hurting both sides? EXACTLY hehe :) & wut do boyfriend/girLfriend reLationships give that friendships don't? romance? i mean, it's aLL nice & mushy to feeL aLL speciaL... & yea, i admit i love those sappy disney movies too hehe... but why waste that affection on someone that you're not sure you're going to spend the rest of your life with? save it :) so to those who read my jurnoe, think about it. you don't need a guy/girL to compLete yourseLf. ladies, learn to be a whoLe person first with God... rather than aLways cLinging & leaning on guys... depending on them to make you feeL more secure. hehe i sound like a feminist now :X but that's not wut i mean... i guess it's cuz i know lots of friends who treat the whole guy/girL reLationship thing like it's a game... like it's nothing & meaningLess... i saw a few of my friends from junior high last week & it's sad to see some of them wasting away in reLationships that they know wiLL lead nowhere. they go from guy to guy & it's sooo sad to see :P & i know there's some reLationships i know of that God is totaLLy bLessing... i'm not putting boyfriends & girLfriends down... but this is something you have to just PRAY about i guess. bring it before God. LOOK UP BEFORE YOU LOOK AROUND.

& hehe, i said this for my own benefit & reminder just as anyone eLse's :) so y'aLL have to keep me accountabLe now.. or at least, i know of one moo besht fwend who wiLL definiteLy keep me accountabLe :)

& smiLe :) not because you want to hide hurt or because you just FEEL happy, but because you SHOULD be happy.
we're aLL so bLessed.. sure we've had our heartaches & triaLs in life... but we're stiLL in one piece...
& think about it... God knows us inside & out. He knows our struggLes... He knows our weaknesses... He knows everything about us. He knows more about us than even we know about ourseLves. yet, He loves us. unconditionaLLy... with a love that cannot be measured.. a love that cannot be expressed... a love so strong... so awesome... so amazing... so deep.
i can't even BEGIN to fathom how awesome that is...

graduation & grad night were awesome. there's a twinge of sadness just waiting to settle in... but i keep shoving it away with other, happier thoughts :) why be sad when God has an amazing future in store for me? He'll remain faithfuL.. i have nothing to fear :)

but i was so gLad i got to waLk next to kendaL for grad :D it was so fun. we sat next to each other & when our hands hurt from cLapping, she'd cLap & i'd yeLL for peopLe. hehe it was great teamwork (^.~) & i kept saying to her, "it still doesn't feeL like i'm graduating".. i think i said that at least 6 times before. then after votaw said "i present to you the class of 2oO2".. it hit :) it gave me the chiLLs.. like whoa, high schooL is byebye. & tu/juLie came!! my buddies from jr high :) i love you tui!! hehe. & maryLou's speech was awesome... TIMSHEL.. thou mayest. there was this one tree root right b4 you get on stage that i kept tripping on. weLL, i didn't faLL :) hehe.. but after we were waLking off the stage, i turned to kendaL & i was like "hey, we didn't trip & faLL!!" and rite when i said that, i aLmost tripped :X that dumb root. ahaha. but wowwww dan mats was there!! & so was a lot of other last-year seniors!! it was quite exciting to see them aLL again :) & euny's mommmmyyyyy [my mom #77 hehe] i love her!! she so nice :D thank you for the baLLoons!! even though it got aLL tangLed with euny's :D hehehe. i took soooo many pictures... can't wait to deveLop aLL of them...

aunt connie & nathan came too!! :) & our famiLy went to dinner with them after; rachaeL came too. i ate sooooo much. i ordered a greek festivaL, which is HUGE!! & i ate pretty much aLL of it. wow, i am a beast. haha :X then we went to our house, looked at pictures & played with the doggies :) nathan got me a lil bear doLL that is soooo adorabLe.. and it's my favorite materiaL for doLLs... like soft.. i can't describe it.. but it's looking up & ahh so cute, so i named it esperanza :) which in spanish means "hope". hehe. ohh & my brother toLd me to wear shorts to grad nite cuz it'd be sooo hot & i did. it wasn't too bad. i was running around a lot. hehe. i did the sumo-wrestLing thing with karen shi. it was soooo funny... the suits were sooo big for us!! i won though!! :D karen, i stiLL ruff you!! hehehe, but it was hilarious cuz every time we feLL, we needed the guy to puLL us up cuz the suits were so big, we couldn't get up! hahaha. then i got to jump on her big sumo tummy [lots of piLLows] since i won the third round :D then i did the spinny thing & i couLdn't waLk straight afterward :X thanks becca & omi for guiding me hehe. later, me & omi were going crazy... skipping around & acting like dorks. but it's wut we do best (^.^) & we got sooo many toys!! hahaha we are the hawaiian princesses!! we each had leis head-band things with purple sparkly tiaras!! wut a fashion statement!! ohhh & we had two tattoo star things on our faces too!! vewy fun :) then there was the sLide thing... the two things i didn't do was the music video [which i wanted to] & the boxing rink. haha. & when i first waLked into the "gambLing pLace", i was like ahhh why are aLL these peopLe here?! how boring!! they shouLd go outside & pLay!! but i started pLaying bLackjack... man, it's addicting :X at one point, i had 7 bLack chips.. but raghav [he was poor] asked me for one.. & i lost the rest sLowLy.. i got too greedy :X hehe. but it's ok, cuz gambLing like that just taught me that i shouLd never gambLe any of my reaL money... hehe. then the hypnotist guy came... i was soooo gonna voLunteer untiL jen su toLd me about a sermon she heard... saying that hypnotism was suspicious n stuff. so i didn't. it was reaLLy funny at times, but it was reaLLy freakish. i was kinda worried... but that's just me. i worry like no other ;P hehe. but when my dad picked me up, i asked him about hypnotism & he expLained it better to me :) but i'm stiLL gLad i didn't participate. i like to be in controL of my own seLf :) oooo & dude, euny OWNS on ddr! quite impressive :) & speakin of ddr, while euny was doing it, one of my friends [from art cLass.. i won't mention names] came up to me & he was like "heyyy!!" & i was like "wow, you came!!" cuz he's not reaLLy the grad night type of person... & whiLe i was taLking to him, i noticed something was wrong.. so i was like "dude, are you on drugs?" & he was like "nooo" & i was like "omigosh, you ARE. don't lie to me" & he kept denying it... then he said he doesn't do drugs, but he had a drink. & i was soooo... ugh. he was pretty tweaked.. like not crazy, but just reaLLy wide-eyed. & dude, that was the worst part of grad night... cuz he wrote in my yearbook that i was a good infLuence on him. but obviousLy it did no good. i was just reaLLy disappointed after that... i was kind of angry with him & kind of angry with myseLf.. cuz i didn't know what to do. rar. why do peopLe have to ruin themseLves like that? like ok, sometimes ppL wiLL get drunk n stuff, but heLLoooo, he does it reguLarLy.. & i guess it never hit me tiLL i actuaLLY SAW him like that. but if you're reading this, just pray for him :P God knows who he is.

ooo i won sabercat tickets from grad night.. but eh, i wanted to win giants' tickets so ha :D *shrugs*

but after my dad picked me up, we taLked for a whiLe & then i wasn't reaLLy sLeepy so i cLeaned my room cuz i can't stand messy rooms even though mine is aLways messy :P so i cLeaned it, read this one poem book my aunt got me, & then i decided i better sLeep :) so i sLept around 6:30 & woke up at 2 :)

now i have so much to do :) next week i have training to be a summer missionary [the thing with lil kids that i do every summer] & i have to take an online language pLacement test by tomorrow night for ucsd, look into financiaL aid/schoLarship stuff, finish my housing info, & awwwwww i'm so disappointed!!! i can't go to the giants' game on june 29 with euny/mike/eugene anymore!!! cuz i'm going to indiana tiLL juLy 13.. which i'm totaLLy looking forward to :DDD but awww no giants' game.. but it's ok, there wiLL be more games :) so untiL mid-juLy, i'm a goner :) not reaLLy, but sorta. hehe. ok, i'm tired of writing on here :) God is stiLL incredibLy awesome.

one last thing... i was taLking to my aunt connie yesterday b4 she dropped me off to grad night.. & it's weird.. when i was lil or even still in junior high, i thought i'd be soooo biiig & mature & lalala when i graduated from high schooL.. but eh, i'm not :) i'm stiLL a kid. *squirm* hehe.

last night, God proved to me again how awesome He was.
it's funny.. the things we never think of... the lil conversations we have with people... even PROJECTS we do in school... God can use anything to reach people.
you can plant a seed or tend to it... without even knowing it. give your life to God... wow God. i could not ask for more.
& consistency... patience...
john choi & dustin are awesome. thanks john for all the encouragement... wow... that one history project... we're a TEAM :) & thanks dustin for being so patient with me & being so honest. both of you are one of those friends that truly sweeten life. thanks.
& thanks euny. wut would i do without you??

we played baseball.. err.. well... at first we played tennis-ball haha.. baseball except with a tennis ball.. then we played softball :D it was soooo fun, but the juniors beat us. but that's ok!! cuz we're gonna play them again in some other sport... so we didn't buy them ice cream yet (^.~) hehe i had so much fun playing today. except it's sad how much i forgot in like... only a year & half? but eh, i had super fun :) hamilton got really dusty.. he likes to roll around in the dirt hehe jk. & such!! that boy... i don't waddle. & brian... haha i kept trying to distract him while i was at first base.. the first two times i told him to look in the field behind & he'd look. the third time i was at first, i was like "look" and he was like "ahh i saw it i saw it!!" hahaha. oi, i miss playing softball. lalala. & i'm definitely not good enough to play for SD. they're hardcore softball players... i should join tee-ball :D hehe. but yea, it was fun... even though i think i have a sock tan now... hard to tell whether it's dirt or a tan. maybe i should shower. cuz rite after softball, i had to go to band... so no shower yet. & i'm soooo tired.. i was falling asleep at band... and 2morrow is graduation!! and GRAD NIGHT. that means noooo sleep... so i better stock up tonight on my slumber. so goodbye! :)

i stand in awe of You~